More invisibly and much more popular, gays and lesbians are networking on the Internet and getting a life–chatting, arranging friendships and organizing activities. The biggest change in the ‘scene’ is not in the clubs or bars or activism, although these have increased in the past five years. Most of the universities now have gay clubs that keep a low profile. There are no gay parades here yet but a few gay organizations have formed such as Kirikiri and Sappho (lesbian groups), Chingusai (gay men’s group) and the Coalition of Student Gay Rights Groups. But folks like that were far away in the USA! Not a word was said about homosexuality in modern Korea.) (By chance, during my stay the Korean Times newspaper printed a sprawling half page story about (western) lesbians in the entertainment industry featuring a photo of Ellen and her real-life girl friend. It was likely that Confucius never thought about it and neither did the lawmakers, ancient or modern. He went on to say that, in Korea, homosexuality is not legal and not illegal. I will be stronger in the future and feel more confident to tell them if I need to.” He cannot think about telling his family, “they would be shocked and try to change me. If it were known that he is gay, he could easily loose his job, especially in a big company. Matt said being gay is a very quiet secret. Korean gay couples rarely live together because of this strong family obligation. Otherwise, they hardly had contact with each other’s families. On the rare sleep-over, with parents at home, they used the excuse that they had been out drinking and it was not wise to drive. Only occasionally, when one of their families was away could they spend the night together. His relationship with Kim was worn down by the need to keep silent and separate most of the time. It is a better gay life there,” he said with a mixture of hope and regret.
There was no time to be alone, not enough. “I had a boyfriend for three years but we could never live together. He is ready for the future.Įxcept for one major difference: his intention of studying in the USA is equally, if not more, motivated by his need to breathe vitality into his emotional life as a gay man. As a prototype of Korean youth, he is intelligent, educated, a devoted son, wastes little time in excess or frivolity and is articulate in English. His plans include graduate studies in New York or California. He is college bound, loves his parents and sister who all share their modest home.
Matt is a young Korean, mid twenties, who lives with his family, goes to school three days a week and works part time as a writer for a cable TV channel writing film summaries. It is often a frightful dance of sacrifice and self-respect, honor and deception that no one would choose but many are forced into. Unexpected GlitchĮnter the gay man trying to negotiate this maze of watchful circumstances, trying to comply and avoid at the same time. It’s all part of a cradle to grave system of tradition and conformity that few dare to challenge. Eventually their is growing old, doting on the grandchildren and being looked after by your children. Then the goal is to have cute children (for happy grandparents) and work overtime to pay the debts of trying to live too well.Īfter the marriage settles down, husbands often find some time to hang out with fellow worker bees in cafes, restaurants and bars, and perhaps (following an unspoken tradition) have an affair on the side. Then, make every effort to get into a university and graduate with honors take a respectable job and build a career that parents can be proud of help support the family spend money to look prosperous and save more money for the major event of marriage. Until marriage, you live at home and obey the rules.įrom birth, be obedient, go to school and get superior grades.
Mostly hidden in clubs and bars, pigeon-holed off to late dancing or drinking with friends and stashed far from family business, gay Koreans live within a very strong heterosexual tradition that includes more than just the expectations of taking a spouse.įamily members are woven into a tightly knit social web that prescribes much of life from birth to death, most notably as a young adult. Living gay in Korea, in Seoul, is not very different from other major Asian cities. “Gay Life in South Korea” is now less about secrets and more about cautious pride and community. Along with the changes in commerce have come alterations in human behavior and attitudes, including a recent softening toward homosexuality by means of high tech communication and age-old drama. It’s ancient culture has assimilated, for better or worse, many western ideas and systems. South Korea has been one of the most ambitious and progressive countries in Asia in the last fifty years.